A collection of things I* have done, seen, liked or cared strongly enough about to put online.
If you want to read my creative writing head to somethingididntdo.com.
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* The Josh Wilson of Scotland, not the NFL guy, the baseball player nor that folksy singer chap.
Posts tagged: zombies
A friend of mine dressed as a zombie for a fancy dress party.
He wasn’t the best fancy dress designer and actually looked kind of like a pirate.
Before we headed out to the party I said: ‘You know, you actually look kind of like a pirate’; he was annoyed. He had put a lot of effort in, he said.
‘Brains’, he says, and voices hunger,
‘Brains’, again, and now I wonder…Is he drunk, or thick or high?
And what’s that sticking in his thigh?Oh what, a bone!? and in his hand?
…is that someone’s Serous gland.One step forth and down he goes,
now eyeing up my goddamn toes.Crawling up and…
The radioactive zombie, brain lusting corpse of television has been laid bare in front of us.
The Land of the Lost Volcano is nature documentary making given a lifeless, unstoppable, nature-humping science-over.
We are on the brink of disaster. We know this. Climate change bla bla. We have been told! What we need is enthusing about nature; we need reminding of all the awesomeness around the world.
A team of scientists going into a never before explored volcano and having a goosey gander for some creatures should be interesting. Hell they even ‘found’ some. What it should not be is incredibly painful. What it should not do is make you wish all the ‘amazing nature’ wasn’t there just so these people weren’t all the way out there being unbearably smug and excitable.
Finding a new species should be great, but when all you get is: “Look at this bat, it folds it’s wings twice!” delivered by some painfully dull, wholesome and smug science type it is actually impossible* to care.
If it everything out there wasn’t sooooooo amazing we wouldn’t have to contend with Marc’s super smug face regailing it’s effing amazingness for the four hundredth time this program. Or captain Insect pointing out how amazing a beetle is because it squeaks and how this is a reason to save everything. Oh wow. WHO CARES.
The fact is not that we shouldn’t save the planet. By overemphasising everything these science types are crying wolf a bit too much and taking subtracting the import from stuff that is actually amazing*. Demonstrated by the fact that every single creature they come across is ‘probably’ a new species. When did science become so bloody wishy washy?
ANYWAY.
TLotLV has only served to highlight the plight of Natural History programming on television: The imminent lack of Attenborough.
A problem more severe than climate change itself - some seeing it as a precursor the the apocalypse - this should be a real and pressing concern for anyone involved in or around the BBC.
Effectively, from whenever DA stops broadcasting, all of nature will become boring. To the point where we don’t care about saving it (and therefore climate change. Or, if TLotLV is a sign of things to come, we will slide into nuclear apocalypse: lost volcanoes will be nuked to prevent any sort of science/TV based crossover smugness.
I don’t see how this is in anyway avoidable, short of some kind of science fiction cryogenic freezing until the technology exists to make DA immortal (and there are moral ambiguities about immortalising a Knight of the Realm and forcing them into a life of narratorial servitude). That or some kind of frankenstein Attenbot will be needed, though this could adversely affect his delivery.
In short, we should probably all prepare ourselves for nuclear zombie based apocalypse. It will be lifeless, it will be hard - most people will die - but at least it will be interesting.
*Look it up to reinforce the gravitas of this statement.
This si the kind of science we need. NOT THAT CLIMATE CHANGE BULSHIT!
This is an actual paper from a team at the University of Ottawa, who have used the hypothetical situation of a zombie outbreak to examine some mathematical models for controlling the spread of infectious disease. Awesome. Check out the paper in its entirety here.
It’s gonna happen, this writing malarky, and probably will be awesome. If not fully awesome.
The idea? Write a chapter of a book and then get someone else to write the next etc. Easy frikkin peasy, some might say.
So, if anyone has seen this site. Wanna play?
Ok so this is going to be awesome. There is a post below here which is the start of a chapter of a book I decided I was going to write whilst on a bus. I decided i like zombies and they are probably the perfect cure for capitalism (the sort of cure The World would find it hard to say no to right now…) So if anyone has any great and/or hilarious Zombie scenarios. LET ME KNOW. I/We/The World needs them!
